That’s Nacho Joke, It’s Mine

Here is today’s tortilla-flavoured gag of the day. Unfortunately it’s racist but, hey, I’m a collator of news. Not a machinator. I also just made that word up.

A wife sends her husband to the local market for Cheese. The husband goes to the market and sees this block of cheese rolling down the street so he picks it up and takes it home to his wife. His wife asks him what the hell kind of cheese is this. “Nacho cheese” the man replies. She says “Nacho cheese, how do you know this is nacho cheese?” The man replies, “the little black boy running behind me saying ‘that’s nacho cheese, that’s nacho cheese!”

The only way is up in terms of comedic nacho humour. Christ.

ULN: Wetherspoons

Place: The Angel, Islington High Street (Wetherspoons)

They’re £5.10 and they’re for sharing. Unless you’re a Nacho Enthusiast, in which case, you order one for yourself and are dissappointed for the evening. Why?


For christ sake, why can’t they get down with the grater? Everything else checked the happy box. Enough tortilla chips? Yes. Enough salsa? A borderline yes. Enough soured cream? Yes. Was there guacamole present? WAS THERE EVER? (i.e. Yes)


Not only was it clearly left to cool so the cheese became akin to a large flat candle languishing atop the chips, but it was an effing small candle. A tealight of cheese. The portion was also, and I insist once more that I’m not built like a large house, quite poor for a fiver. Considering I then bought a Green Goblin cider for roughly the same price. And that came with a sinewy and vaguely paedophilic green man thrusting his crotch at me.

VERDICT: 5/10 (average nacho)

Mission Statement

It is logical to assume we live in a perpetual state of Nacho. When they’re good, they’re good. When they’re bad, they’re good. But they are never perfect. Like sandwiches made fresh in poncey shops where it’s mandatory to  spend fifteen minutes choosing foolproof ingredients before discovering it all tastes like beige cardigan. Although this isn’t about sandwiches, is it? It’s about Nachos. Look at the heading, for god’s sake.

The Nacho Times will be everything related to, or even mentioning, this superlative foodstuff. While collating and building this Cyber-Nacho Empire, a quest will also be documented. One young woman’s search for the Ultimate London Nacho (ULN)

Let the games begin, friends.