It’s Nacho (Date) Problem

It’s a problem that comes up again and again in the day-to-day existence of someone eating nachos on a regular basis. No, not the calorie count. If you eat nachos twice a week you’re not going to have a heart attack. No, I’m talking about the problems of eating nachos with other people. Other people you’re trying to impress. On dates.

Unless faced with solidified cheese (in which case, use a knife and fork after softening with weedwacker) the stringiness, sloppiness and continual splattering isn’t an aesthetic delight. Then there’s always the moment when you both go for the same nacho. Should be romantic, except it’s the last one with a good amount of relish, so the event is tainted with an undercurrent of competition, as well as resentment for whoever manages to snaffle it first. Plus both your hands are covered in salsa. It looks almost like two surgeons arm-deep in a heart bypass operation, both accidentally going for the same valve. But then trying to eat it.

But nachos are, aside from all this, the perfect date food for the following reasons:

  • You’re sharing. You can determine whether your date is an only child or not. Do they leave you all the bald chos? Do they stray into your half of the plate? When you go to the bathroom, do you return to find a Nacho Wasteland? Probably rubbish in bed too.
  • There’s comedic potential A serious date is a crap date. There’s nothing like being covered in salsa to give you both an outlet for being funny. And if you make each other laugh then marriage is on the cards, obviously.
  • There’s masculine potential. It is written that males like to impress females. A great vehicle for this is eating all the jalapenos and throwing your date a “what of it?” off hand glance. And pretending you don’t want to cry. She’ll be impressed.
  • It’s a talking point. Searching for something to say? Turn to the chos. If you don’t know how you’d talk about nachos for an extended period of time, read this blog more.
  • You’ve seen them at their worst. They have cheese hanging out of their mouth, guacamole on their chin and soured cream down their top. Still fancy them? If so, you’re onto a winner.

So check out the Nacho Times ratings, choose your venue and get stuck in.


4 thoughts on “It’s Nacho (Date) Problem

  1. i think you are very amusing – nachos? how WIZARD!

    We are doing Ruddigore this week – can u publicise it on your nachos blog – i think they go arm in arm – or should i say crisp in crisp

  2. Guys if you like nachos you should go and see Ruddigore which is on the Battersea Barge this week.

    My swedish friend Mitt Jaansen will buy anyone who cites the offercode IREALLYLIKENACHOSBORDERINGONOBSESSIONACTUALLY gets a free nacho. And by that I mean one. Bald.

    In conjunction with Gilbert & Sullivan.

  3. The ladies of Nacho Patrol have gone on many a nacho date. Part of it’s a test– if someone doesn’t like nachos, then, well, there will never be a second date. And having reviewing nachos as a hobby provides an easy, low-pressure, yet highly-illuminating date suggestion perpetually at hand!

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