Salsa substitutions

While candid chos are often the way forward when sat alone with nothing to do but assemble ingredients on a plate, said ingredients can be hard to come by.

You’ve got the chos. You’ve got cheese. You’ve got sour cream. You’ve even got guac. Unfortunately, you’ve dropped the salsa out the window in a fit of rage. And it’s a Sunday so you can’t even pop out and grab some (this is a very specific scenario, but it has happened to someone somewhere)

Luckily, here is a handy guide to how to substitute salsa. Get prepared to go utterly mental.

  • Pasta sauce You know, like Dolmio or that one with the monochromatic man wearing a bowler hat (other brands, and headgear, are available) If you’ve got some chilli spice, add that for a bit of a mouth party or alternatively go naked. And then use the pasta sauce without any flavouring.
  • Ketchup I disagree with this, but it’s been brought to my attention that some lunatics don’t mind this. Approach with caution.
  • Homemade salsa Very simple to make provided you have cans of chopped tomatoes. Mainly because the recipe consists of a can of chopped tomato.
  • Actual chopped tomato But not in a can. Two free, liberated tomatoes chopped using whichever knife you deem fit.
  • Baked beans It sounds offensive, but it actually works. Think refried beans but not refried. 
  • A bit of astroturf Just checking you’re attention span.
Alternatively, sign up to anger management classes and/or keep all windows permanently closed. 
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