Nachos: A Health Food

I heard a woman refuse nachos the other day because she was “trying to lose weight”. Good on her, she was a big woman. Though I hate the idea of actively devolving chos, I do understand her pain- when this blog was at it’s most prolific (aka when I had no life, job, hobbies, friends, other writing outlets, home etc) I was eating nachos every other day. Yes, I was a big woman.

Moving on.

Nachos, especially while eating out are fairly high in fat, cals, blah blah, but if you’re trying to eat well and are craving your fix there are ways to cultivate a healthy, glowing cho while on the road to looking dead thin, or whatever you people worry about. I call it the Gwyneth Palcho. OK, it’s a stretch but it’s better than Jenni-cho Aniston. Or Angelina Cho-lie. Kate Beckincho is pretty funny. Scarlett Cho-hansson. Oh god this is brilliant. Anyway.

Way to Achieve A Gwyneth Palcho (Apologies if I appear reluctant to bastardize the holy cho fountain at times)

  • Don’t use meat. Chicken, beef, veal, none of it is necessary. All you need is the Big Four plus jalapenos.
  • Greek yoghurt can be substituted for soured cream if you’re a moron. Sorry. It’s just the same, you won’t even notice the difference (you will)
  • Use low fat cheese! Because everyone knows low fat cheese isn’t really hard and difficult to melt!
  • Some salsas are a lot better for you than others.Tesco’s own brand salsa is quality, but nachoists across the Atlantic won’t be au fait with the lovely family owned Tesco Local. And neither is The Nacho Times au fait with Kwick-E-7-11-Mart or whatever. Shop around.
  • Substitute guacamole for sliced avocado.
  • Substitute the chips for air.
  • Substitute nachos for peashoot and mung sandwich on rye bread FFS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

Sorry.

Watch out for tomorrow’s attempt at making the Gwyneth Palcho. It may or may not be a disaster.

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