The Ultimate Disappointment

There is nothing worse than being promised nachos, only to discover what your friend actually meant was “a plate of tortilla chips”.

Bald and Unwanted


Bald and Unwanted

Never again.

And tortilla chips dipped in hummus don’t count either.


Global Nachoists are good. Also, they’re based in Boston and, because it’s useful to get transatlantic wisdom on what you should be looking for in yo ‘cho (doesn’t really work), and because Americans have, on the whole, a greater appreciation for the dish, here is their guide to the perfect Nach (again, this jars. Will leave such terms to Bostonians in the future):

  • Presentation: are the nachos aesthetically pleasing? Are they packed on a plate that is too small?
  • Quality of Ingredients: canned chili or fresh salsa? Crispy chips and zesty guacamole?
  • Distribution of Toppings: is the cheese piled in one place, leaving the rest of the chips naked? Is it spread evenly and in layers throughout the chips? Are there unwanted naked chips?
  • Price: Is it worth it? Is it a rip-off?

This is almost flawless. I can barely breathe. However, there are a few small things I would add, coming at it from a British, and so pedantic, perspective:

1. Temperature- a cold nacho is a dead nacho. Especially when the cheese has hardened to form a plastic-like skin. A dead skin.

2. Sauce Ratio – should not be balanced. The rules are, surely,  more salsa than guacamole and soured cream, but an equal ratio of the latter two. And cheese should be evenly spread across the entire shebang. Especially covering those irritating bald nachos. The correct term for this end result would be “cheese beards”*

Aside from these points, I can’t see much else wrong. Special points for salient points on plate size. Congratulations Nacho Patrol.

*this is a contentious issue. One Nachoist I spoke to was sure there should be at least two sauces for each nacho. I’m more lenient.