The Notchoists

If you’ve been following The Nacho Times, or have just stumbled across the site (hi new friend! Perhaps you’re the guy directed here after typing “gwyneth paltrow boobs” into google? If so, let’s chat about this at a later date) you’ll know that Notchos are a form of non-chos masquerading as chos. We’ve all been there. “Hey, come round for nachos” our friends exclaim, before setting out a plate of tortilla chips and houmous. No friends. No. It’s a charming dish, but cannot be placed in the same category.

Additionally, you will have come across the term Nachoist- those who appreciate a good cho. There are those, sadly, who do not. Today, Olive Wakefield from Olive On A Plain declared (actual quote) “All you need to make nachos is doritos and spray cheese.” This shook The Nacho Times to the core. It undid all the good work purveyed in the last four months. I didn’t know myself anymore. I had to go and stand on the balcony and drink a bit of diet coke.

There are people who believe anything involving a crisp, some dip and a sprinkling of cheese can be known as nachos. It’s a misconception that often goes unchallenged, and be remedied by a link to this blog, or other sources of cho information, and a  slap. After a polite request for an embrace  as you cry uncontrollably into their shoulder, muttering “have you never tried actual nachos?” and “but spray cheese is rank” and “there isn’t a God”.

As The Nacho Times has found, even the poorest chos served in franchises such as O’Neills are aware of what constitutes a Notcho. They may have used ketchup instead of salsa, but the jalapenos were present, if humiliated by a lack of valid relish. Wetherspoons, as I have said time and again, do great chos despite being best known for serving such British dishes as Roast Dinner and Really Mild Korma That Tastes Like Roast Dinner.

By all means enjoy some crudité and houmous action, but don’t kid yourself you’re sampling Mexican cuisine. If you’re eating a packet of Cool Original Doritos while making a cheese sandwich and a bit of cheese falls into the packet, have you automatically got nachos? Er, no. You’ve probably got dyspraxia, or at the very least, incredibly poor hand-eye coordination.

Don’t be a Notchoist. If you are, or you know someone who is, take yourself/them to any of the fine establishments reviewed on this site and open your/their mouth(s) to a world infinitely better than spray cheese and doritos.

Other brands of tortilla chip are available.