Taco Bell Introduce “Doritos Taco Locos”

American chain Taco Bell have  begun testing tacos with shells made from nacho-flavoured Doritos.
They’re called the Doritos Taco Locos, like Ricky Martin’s 1999 smash hit but with more Loco(a) and less Camp Gyration. But Ricky aside, what’s going on? Nacho flavoured tacos isn’t wrong, it’s just a bit… incestuous. Like making a toast sandwich. Or mixing ketchup and HP sauce. Or getting it on with a blood relative.

Consumerist.com has video footage of a customer testing out this nacho-taco hybrid and apparently it’s quite good. Which is what cousins who marry say. Incest aside, this does show how advanced and gutsy the Americans are, nachoally, compared with us. The UK needs to be a bit more ballsy. Treat the cho like a blank canvas waiting to be splattered with, y’know, interesting things. But is interbreeding the way forward? Personally, before anyone gets creative, I think the UK should start focussing on perfecting the art of making normal nachos (thinly veiled dig at nacho quality in Britain).

In the meantime, here’s some light-hearted humour from twitter:

@Katharyn Hodgkins: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese

OH KATHARYN YOU’RE SUCH AN OUTRAGEOUS JEST-BANDIT.

That’s Nacho Tee Shirt, It’s Mine (Yawn)

It’s official: Nachos are not conducive to stylish clothing. If you want to get involved in Nacho High Couture the options are limited. And slogan based.

The I Have No Imagination Option

The I Have No Imagination But I Am A Slightly Edgier (And Possessive) Person Option

The I Clicked The Wrong Link Option

The I Can Link Words And Images Appropriately Option

The I Cannot Link Words And Images Appropriately Option

The Old Joke Option 1 (Sassy Independent “YOU TELL ‘EM GIRL” Woman)

The Old Joke Option 2 (Sympathetic/dull)

The Retro Option

The Vaguely Disturbed Retro Option

Just Vaguely Disturbed

All tee shirts can be, erm, bought by clicking on the images. it takes you straight to the “shop” they’ve been “designed” for.

Guactacular 2011

Nacho’s are Lee Frank’s thing. One third of NYC based site Nachos NY, Lee and his happy band of hombres are hosting their third annual ‘Guactacular’ event in Brooklyn next month and it’s just as mental as it sounds. Free beer. Live music. Competitors trying to out-guac each other with cash prizes and, of course, free chos for all. They put the UK nacho scene to shame.

Lee, how much of a Nachoist are you?

I try to eat nachos at least twice a week but unfortunately, with all the nachos we’ve eaten, we’ve basically covered all the areas I am normally in so I now need to go out of my way for them. Nachos NY is at about 2.5 years now. I probably spend about 10-12 hours a week doing all sorts of stuff on the site…

So a large one then. Large enough to host a full-scale Nachofest in Brooklyn…

For the first Guactacular (2009), we had no idea who was coming, there was no tickets. We listed it on the site, thinking that maybe 100 people would come and we were happy with that. And then the word got out and probably like 350 people showed up. That was incredible.

And how did you go about organising it?

I used to work for Flavorpill, a NY-based culture and events site and we wanted to do a photoshoot for Cinco de Mayo and I suggested a guac-off between some of the editors. I then decided we needed a space and Heather D at the Bell House gladly provided the front room for us.

You definitely don’t find the same calibre of guac maniacs in London. Or nachos, for that matter.

I haven’t eaten them, I’d love to be enlightened to the differences! [In terms of Guac] I like to make it simple. Avocados, lime, jalapenos, red onions, tomatoes, and salt. But I love to eat it with other crazy things involved like pomegranate, mango, pineapple.

Lee Frank, Nacho Times salutes you. Not only do you bring avocado based bashes to Brooklyn but you also eat pomegranate guacamole.  For those living the American Dream, get on down to Guactacular 2011 on May 8 and best of luck to all competitors.

Happy Pancake Day

Unfortunately, I don’t know how to make pancakes. If someone would like to potentially come round to Nacho HQ and make me some, that’d be great. In the meantime…

Scotch Pancake Nachos

UD - Scotch Pancake NachosNachos.

Your best friend. Your confidante. Your co-conspirator.

And now: your booze-soaked breakfast buddy.

Say hello to Scotch Pancake Nachos, the greatest thing to hit your morning since bourbon Cheerios, now available at Poe’s Kitchen at the Rattlesnake [this is an American recipe. Obviously- NT]

Why it took the universe so long to combine these ruggedly delicious foodstuffs, we’re not quite sure. It all starts with a regular pancake (the basic building block of most crazy breakfasts). Then a pile of battered tortilla chips is affixed to a flapjack with the help of a housemade tequila cream cheese. And upon this is dropped a trifecta of chorizo-applewood bacon, blood-orange salsa and spicy Guadalajara butter-scrambled eggs.

And since we’re talking pancakes here, all of this receives a generous bath of maple syrup and maple-infused Macallan Scotch.

…. Well thank you Urban Daddy for making my (Shrove Tues) day.

 

Global Nachoists

Nachopatrol.com are good. Also, they’re based in Boston and, because it’s useful to get transatlantic wisdom on what you should be looking for in yo ‘cho (doesn’t really work), and because Americans have, on the whole, a greater appreciation for the dish, here is their guide to the perfect Nach (again, this jars. Will leave such terms to Bostonians in the future):

  • Presentation: are the nachos aesthetically pleasing? Are they packed on a plate that is too small?
  • Quality of Ingredients: canned chili or fresh salsa? Crispy chips and zesty guacamole?
  • Distribution of Toppings: is the cheese piled in one place, leaving the rest of the chips naked? Is it spread evenly and in layers throughout the chips? Are there unwanted naked chips?
  • Price: Is it worth it? Is it a rip-off?

This is almost flawless. I can barely breathe. However, there are a few small things I would add, coming at it from a British, and so pedantic, perspective:

1. Temperature- a cold nacho is a dead nacho. Especially when the cheese has hardened to form a plastic-like skin. A dead skin.

2. Sauce Ratio – should not be balanced. The rules are, surely,  more salsa than guacamole and soured cream, but an equal ratio of the latter two. And cheese should be evenly spread across the entire shebang. Especially covering those irritating bald nachos. The correct term for this end result would be “cheese beards”*

Aside from these points, I can’t see much else wrong. Special points for salient points on plate size. Congratulations Nacho Patrol.

*this is a contentious issue. One Nachoist I spoke to was sure there should be at least two sauces for each nacho. I’m more lenient.