It’s Nacho (Date) Problem

It’s a problem that comes up again and again in the day-to-day existence of someone eating nachos on a regular basis. No, not the calorie count. If you eat nachos twice a week you’re not going to have a heart attack. No, I’m talking about the problems of eating nachos with other people. Other people you’re trying to impress. On dates.

Unless faced with solidified cheese (in which case, use a knife and fork after softening with weedwacker) the stringiness, sloppiness and continual splattering isn’t an aesthetic delight. Then there’s always the moment when you both go for the same nacho. Should be romantic, except it’s the last one with a good amount of relish, so the event is tainted with an undercurrent of competition, as well as resentment for whoever manages to snaffle it first. Plus both your hands are covered in salsa. It looks almost like two surgeons arm-deep in a heart bypass operation, both accidentally going for the same valve. But then trying to eat it.

But nachos are, aside from all this, the perfect date food for the following reasons:

  • You’re sharing. You can determine whether your date is an only child or not. Do they leave you all the bald chos? Do they stray into your half of the plate? When you go to the bathroom, do you return to find a Nacho Wasteland? Probably rubbish in bed too.
  • There’s comedic potential A serious date is a crap date. There’s nothing like being covered in salsa to give you both an outlet for being funny. And if you make each other laugh then marriage is on the cards, obviously.
  • There’s masculine potential. It is written that males like to impress females. A great vehicle for this is eating all the jalapenos and throwing your date a “what of it?” off hand glance. And pretending you don’t want to cry. She’ll be impressed.
  • It’s a talking point. Searching for something to say? Turn to the chos. If you don’t know how you’d talk about nachos for an extended period of time, read this blog more.
  • You’ve seen them at their worst. They have cheese hanging out of their mouth, guacamole on their chin and soured cream down their top. Still fancy them? If so, you’re onto a winner.

So check out the Nacho Times ratings, choose your venue and get stuck in.

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Guactacular 2011

Nacho’s are Lee Frank’s thing. One third of NYC based site Nachos NY, Lee and his happy band of hombres are hosting their third annual ‘Guactacular’ event in Brooklyn next month and it’s just as mental as it sounds. Free beer. Live music. Competitors trying to out-guac each other with cash prizes and, of course, free chos for all. They put the UK nacho scene to shame.

Lee, how much of a Nachoist are you?

I try to eat nachos at least twice a week but unfortunately, with all the nachos we’ve eaten, we’ve basically covered all the areas I am normally in so I now need to go out of my way for them. Nachos NY is at about 2.5 years now. I probably spend about 10-12 hours a week doing all sorts of stuff on the site…

So a large one then. Large enough to host a full-scale Nachofest in Brooklyn…

For the first Guactacular (2009), we had no idea who was coming, there was no tickets. We listed it on the site, thinking that maybe 100 people would come and we were happy with that. And then the word got out and probably like 350 people showed up. That was incredible.

And how did you go about organising it?

I used to work for Flavorpill, a NY-based culture and events site and we wanted to do a photoshoot for Cinco de Mayo and I suggested a guac-off between some of the editors. I then decided we needed a space and Heather D at the Bell House gladly provided the front room for us.

You definitely don’t find the same calibre of guac maniacs in London. Or nachos, for that matter.

I haven’t eaten them, I’d love to be enlightened to the differences! [In terms of Guac] I like to make it simple. Avocados, lime, jalapenos, red onions, tomatoes, and salt. But I love to eat it with other crazy things involved like pomegranate, mango, pineapple.

Lee Frank, Nacho Times salutes you. Not only do you bring avocado based bashes to Brooklyn but you also eat pomegranate guacamole.  For those living the American Dream, get on down to Guactacular 2011 on May 8 and best of luck to all competitors.